Tête-à-Tête Offensive: Tender Napalm and The Carolina Layaway Grail, reviewed.

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Laura C. Harris and Elan Zafir in Tender Napalm (Teresa Wood)

In one of the the shows at Signature Theatre right now, a woman (named "Woman") tells a man ("Man") in precise, step-by-step detail how she plans to sever his penis and scrotum.

In the theater next door, Beaches: The Musical is playing. Six of one...

I review Philip Ridley's Tender Napalm in this week's Washington City Paper. Plus Allyson Currin's The Carolina Layaway Grail, the inaugural production from DC playwriting collective The Welders.

Why yes, I am fairly pleased with the hed, thanks. It's one of the very few times I've ever managed to top my editor (and Heds Will Roll Tumblr proprietr) Jon Fischer's suggestion, which is on Heds Will Roll now though it's far more tasteful than mine. Then he came back and nailed the photo caption, so. 

What About James? Maladies, reviewed.

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James Franco steals some shaving cream, and 97 minutes of your time, in Maladies.

My review of Maladies, a deeply pretentious, long-shelved character study written by director "Carter" for star James Franco, is up on The Dissolve today. Curiously, Alan Cumming gets billing in the opening credits though he's in it for one brief, unmemorable scene. He has less screen time here than he got as the hotel clerk who hits on Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut.

Habit, Run: Water by the Spoonful and Normal, reviewed.

Vincent J. Brown and Amy Kim Waschke in Water by the Spoonful (Teddy Wolff)

Brian McDermott, Elizabeth Darby, and Alex Zavistovich in Normal (Kristin Jackman)

In today's Washington City Paper, I review the Pultizer-winning drama Water by the Spoonful at Studio Theatre and Molotov's production of Normal, a play about the Dusseldorf Ripper.

The Shape of Things: Exposed, reviewed.

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Burlesque artist Mat Fraser in Beth B's Exposed

I reviewed Exposed, Beth B's documentary about New York City burlesque artists, for The Dissolve.

Then, the night after I filed, I ran across a reference to B --  a documentarian whose work I'd never previously encountered -- in "Something Nice," a short story in Mary Gaitskill's 1988 collection Bad Behavior.

The world broadens.

Fear of a Dwarf Planet: Forum's Pluto and WSC's Orlando, reviewed.

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David Zimmerman, Jennifer Mendendall, and Kimberly Gilbert in Forum Theatre's Pluto.

NOTICE: My reviews of Steve Yockey's "rolling world premiere" Pluto for Forum Theatre and Sarah Ruhl's adaptation of Virginia Woolf's 1928 novel Orlando at WSC Avant Bard are in today's Washington City Paper, available wherever finer alt-weeklies are given away yadda yadda yadda.

Colon? We don't need no steenking colon! War of the Worlds Goliath, reviewed.

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Here Come the Warm Martian Tripods: War of the Worlds Goliath

If I were designing the poster for War of the Worlds Goliath, the suspiciously colon-free, animated steampunk sequel to H. G. Wells' seminal sci-fi novel War of the Worlds, the tagline would be, "And this time, they wore their flu masks!"

Orson Welles' 1938 radio adaptation of the book is one of my favorite things ever. I still listen to it every single Halloween. I'm a big fan of Steven Spielberg's 2005 movie version, too.

The cartoon sequel, which I reviewed for The Dissolve, does not fare well in such venerated company. Or even, more importantly, on its own terms.

And speaking of the Oscars, I reviewed Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (Super-Sized, R-Rated Edition)

Putting the band back together: Rudd, Ferrell, Koechner, Carell, an Arabic numeral.

Oscars Oscars Lupita Cuaron blah blah blah.

In other movie news this weekend, I had the supreme honor of reviewing Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (Super-Sized R-Rated Edition) for The Dissolve. My review is more or a less an encomium to long movies and more or more a bunch of jokes.

(I was rooting for Chiwetel Ejiofor over McConaughey, but I'm very glad Alfonso Cuaron and 12 Years a Slave won. Lupita Nyong'o gave the classiest speech of the night. I bet the makers of Non-Stop feel pretty dumb for not giving her anything to do in that movie, now.)

'Fro and Con: Hairbrained, reviewed.

Alex Wolff, Robin De Jesus, and Greta Lee in Hairbrained. 

My review of Hairbrained, Billy Kent's comedy starring Alex Wolff and Brendan Fraser as college freshmen aged 13 and 41, respectively, is up on The Dissolve today.