Dancing With Myself: "Suspiria," reviewed.

Tilda Swinton plays three parts in Suspiria; she’s most recognizable in this one. (Amazon)

Luca Guadagnino's new reimagining of the vibrant Dario Argento Italian cult classic Suspiria is is vulgar, shamelessly pretentious, and frequently opaque. But there were also things about about it that I didn’t like. My NPR review is here.

After the new SUSPIRIA last night, I got a burger, then dashed off a few run-on sentences about the movie before going to bed.

No indigestion, no nightmares. This is no boast, but a thank-you to my subconscious. I know we don’t always get along but you did really me a solid, man

— Chris Klimek (@ctklimek) October 26, 2018

Get Up, Get into It, Get Involved: Get Out, reviewed.

Daniel Kaluuya stars in Jordan Peele's feature filmmaking debut. (Universal)

Jordan Peele's terrific new horror flick Get Out is many things, but it parody it is not. My NPR review is here.

The $59,000 Question: Blair Witch, reviewed.

Wes Robinson and Valorie Curry in Blair Witch.

In 1999, the nanobudget horror hoaxumentary The Blair Witch Project rode a brilliant marketing campaign to blockbuster-level success. Now there's a legacy-quel called Blair Witch. My short review is that Blair Witch has displaced previous champ Frances Ha as the longest sub-90-minute movie I've seen in the last decade. My longer review, for NPR, is here. Boo. Also, boooooooooooooooo.

Raised by Wolves!

Jack Nicholson in Mike Nichols' Wolf in 1994. Wolves is not as good.

I wish I could report that Wolves, the silly horror film I review for The Dissolve this week, is an ante-upping James Cameron sequel to Wolf, the Mike Nichols-Elaine May-Jack Nicholson-Michelle Pfeiffer-James Spader expose of lycanthropy in the publishing industry from 20 years ago I'd vaguely wanted to revisit even before this Grantland exegesis ran last summer.

It is not.

I reviewed a movie "that attempts to do for cunnilingus what Jaws did for ocean swimming."

I want you to think of this picture the next time you reach for a cigarette. Cabin Fever: Patent Zero.

If a giant, irradiated lizard can be the star of a long-running franchise, why not a flesh-eating virus? Many reasons, actually.I still haven't managed to see Boyhood or Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, but  I reviewed Cabin Fever: Patient Zero for The Dissolve.

The Human Race will make you at least temporarily ashamed to belong to it.

Ugh.

My review of the low-budget horror movie The Human Race is up on The Dissolve. It's wretched, but I tried to write a fun piece about it.

Anyway, here's the 1987 Mick Jagger video I cite as one of this uninspired film's obvious inspirations.