Listen, all y'all, this is my review of Sabotage.

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"Vhat did I tell you about those stupid cornrows!" Arnold Schwarzenegger and Joe Manganiello in Sabotage.

Both of Sabotage's prior titles, Ten and Breacher, make more sense than the one it ended up with. Actually, the title is no more nonsensical than the convoluted plot of David Ayer's gruesome, vulgar, throughly disreputable dirty-cop thriller. It's only just barely a Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle, which is part of why it's the most satisfying picture he's made in 20 years.  I reviewed it for The Village Voice.

What About James? Maladies, reviewed.

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James Franco steals some shaving cream, and 97 minutes of your time, in Maladies.

My review of Maladies, a deeply pretentious, long-shelved character study written by director "Carter" for star James Franco, is up on The Dissolve today. Curiously, Alan Cumming gets billing in the opening credits though he's in it for one brief, unmemorable scene. He has less screen time here than he got as the hotel clerk who hits on Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut.

The Shape of Things: Exposed, reviewed.

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Burlesque artist Mat Fraser in Beth B's Exposed

I reviewed Exposed, Beth B's documentary about New York City burlesque artists, for The Dissolve.

Then, the night after I filed, I ran across a reference to B --  a documentarian whose work I'd never previously encountered -- in "Something Nice," a short story in Mary Gaitskill's 1988 collection Bad Behavior.

The world broadens.

Colon? We don't need no steenking colon! War of the Worlds Goliath, reviewed.

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Here Come the Warm Martian Tripods: War of the Worlds Goliath

If I were designing the poster for War of the Worlds Goliath, the suspiciously colon-free, animated steampunk sequel to H. G. Wells' seminal sci-fi novel War of the Worlds, the tagline would be, "And this time, they wore their flu masks!"

Orson Welles' 1938 radio adaptation of the book is one of my favorite things ever. I still listen to it every single Halloween. I'm a big fan of Steven Spielberg's 2005 movie version, too.

The cartoon sequel, which I reviewed for The Dissolve, does not fare well in such venerated company. Or even, more importantly, on its own terms.

And speaking of the Oscars, I reviewed Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (Super-Sized, R-Rated Edition)

Putting the band back together: Rudd, Ferrell, Koechner, Carell, an Arabic numeral.

Oscars Oscars Lupita Cuaron blah blah blah.

In other movie news this weekend, I had the supreme honor of reviewing Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (Super-Sized R-Rated Edition) for The Dissolve. My review is more or a less an encomium to long movies and more or more a bunch of jokes.

(I was rooting for Chiwetel Ejiofor over McConaughey, but I'm very glad Alfonso Cuaron and 12 Years a Slave won. Lupita Nyong'o gave the classiest speech of the night. I bet the makers of Non-Stop feel pretty dumb for not giving her anything to do in that movie, now.)

'Fro and Con: Hairbrained, reviewed.

Alex Wolff, Robin De Jesus, and Greta Lee in Hairbrained. 

My review of Hairbrained, Billy Kent's comedy starring Alex Wolff and Brendan Fraser as college freshmen aged 13 and 41, respectively, is up on The Dissolve today.

Podcast: Young RoboCop, Old RoboCop

RoboCop '14 & RoboCop '87. The original has more gestural flair, and so does the movie he's in.

Thanks to Village Voice film editor Alan Scherstuhl and L.A. Weekly film critic Amy Nicholson for having me on the Voice Film Club podcast this week to talk RoboCop, and to listen in rapt mostly-silence while they discuss Vampire Academy. I've not seen the latter but I certainly will, based on the impression HAHAHAHAHAHAjokes it made on Amy and Alan.

You can hear the episode here. I can't believe I forgot to plug the good RoboCop remake.

The Big Engine That Couldn't: Why RoboCop's Hopeless ED-209 is One of the All-Time Great Movie Robots

Phil Tippett and ED-209. (RoboCop Archive)

Director Paul Verhoeven gives ED-209 his motivation. 1986. (RoboCop Archive)

Smaller in real life, but still pretty damn big. (RoboCop Archive)

You have 20 seconds to comply, and then I will shoot you anyway. (RoboCop Archive)

I saw José Padilha's new remake of Paul Verhoeven's classic sci-fi satire RoboCop the other night. It reminded me of what it feels like when someone with a pleasantly melodic voice covers a song by Leonard Cohen or Bob Dylan: It's technically "better" in all the ways that don't matter, and worse in all the ways that count.

I'll be discussing the picture later this week in the first of a series of posts I'm going to be writing for the my pal Linda Holmes over at NPR's Monkey See about... remakes! But first, this little ditty for my man Alan Scherstuhl at the Village Voice, about how the brilliant animator and visual effects artist Phil Tippett created my favorite performance in the 1987 RoboCop: the dysfunctional robot ED-209.

UPDATE: A reader located and sent me a link to the Starlog magazine photo I reference in the piece. And that reader turned out to be Rolling Stone senior writer Brian Hiatt, whose stuff I've been reading for years. "Pretty neat," as patrolman Alex Murphy might say.